Past Whacks

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WHACKS FROM THE WEEK OF JUNE 21st, 2009:

Matthew, Burnaby,

"I whacked to a tree."

Anonymous,

"I whacked to the United States beating Spain in the Confederation Cup"

Anonymous, America,

"I once, in art school, snuck a friends sculpture to the tool room and squooze one out. What can I say, she made REALLY good art."

Tom Michelle, Illinois,

"One time I was working at a Kmart and stole a bunch of CDs while on shift. I slid them under the docking door in the warehouse storage area. I went on my break and walked to the back of the store to get them. I then went to my car and had a hard on because stealing was felt so awesome. I wacked it right there in my car during the break to the though of free CDs. The CD I remember was Cam'Ron - Come Home With Me."

Gage Coleman, England,

"i once whacked over my dog, but it kept walking around so i had to follow it from room to room, wacking all the way."

JD,

"In Smash Bros. 64, you can electrocute Samus and pause the game to see a polygon without her suit. I whacked to it several times."

Anonymous,

"I wacked to Paul McCartney"

The Dude, Chicago,

"i wacked it to my cat while petting her with my other hand."

Mike, Connecticut,

"My grandmother's Womans Day and Readers Digest magazines ... they were the only things in the house with pictures of women"

Mike, New York,

"When I was 12 I used to whack it to reruns of Designing Women every nite at 11. (My hormones were raging and I had no access to porn.) Teens today have no idea how lucky they are to have broadband. My grandfather griped to me about walking 5 miles to school in the snow. My grandkids will hear how I endured tossing off to Delta Burke."

Anonymous,

"I once whacked it to the word Sex in the dictionary... while taking a dump."

Anonymous,

"Once, I wacked off inside a bookstore at the Milwaukee airport. Not the bathroom, in a row. I used the cover of a book with a chicks face on it. If a crime is ever committed there, my DNA will be in question..."

Wackmeister, Looking in your Window,

"I pulled the chicken at Madame Trash Heap from Fraggel Rock. She had huge knockers."

Anonymous, USA,

"I once wacked to that scary chick from guitar hero III... and still passed the song."

Tyler, CA,

"I whacked it on time thinking about Meredith Viera. "The View" was no, and she said she never wears underwear. I beat it like it owed me money."

IceDog, Michigan,

"I whacked to naked pictures of woman body builders"

Anonymous,

"I whacked under the sheet at the barbers to all the long hair lying on the floor. It only occured to me later that only men have haircuts here."

Anonymous,

"I enjoyed a little zipper surfing while watching Loonette the Clown do her "Clock Stretching Exercise" on 'The Big Comfy Couch'"

Anonymous,

"I once whacked it to Ivy and Taki from Soul Calibur"

Alx, Arizona,

"I just wacked off while watching my neighbor smoke. i was in my car listening to some old mj "beat it". it was hard to resist with him telling me to."

Anonymous,

"When I was 7 I wacked it for the first time to a picture of a kangaroo with lipstick on in a coloring book I owned."

G-Dawg,

"I have cranked one out on a few occasions to Samantha Brown on the Travel Channel while she explores the beaches and hotels of the world."

Anonymous,

"I once jerked it to a video of myself jerking it...maybe twice"

James, Philadelphia, PA,

"When I was 13 I whacked it while fantasizing about my mother."

Justin, California,

"I whacked it to a lady who was being interviewed about her book about the power of feminism... that'll show her who's boss."

Tyler, Parts Unknown,

"I whacked to naked pics of Anna Nicole the day she died."

Anonymous,

"I wacked it to THIS SITE!!!!!!

I then felt ashamed so I decided to tell you about it."

Joe, VA,

"I whacked to a burn victim in the hospital. She had a nice rack"

Luke, Springfield,

"I whacked to Newman on Seinfeld"

Ace,

"I once whacked it while watching a nascar race. I was bored and figured jrkin it sounded like more fun"

Jack, NY,

"I once whacked off while sitting next to my male best friend while we watched straight porn together"

Ken, NY,

"I once whacked off to my cousin's barbie doll...i felt her up too."

Anonymous,

"I whacked to Lil Kim's boob at the MTV movie awards."

Fred, USA,

"I rubbed one out watching Hanson's video Mmmmbop when it first came out. I had my wang out while surfing for material, and I thought the middle one was a girl.

I'd do it again."

Superduper, Edmonton,

"I once whacked it to the scene in schindlers list when all the people are forced to run in a circle naked"

Anonymous,

"I whacked to the Lisa Loeb video for "Stay" when I was 14 by humping the living room couch pillows while staying overnight at a relative's house."

Thrillhouse,

"I wacked off to a 1932 Horror film called "Freaks" which as the name suggests had actual circus freaks that were all deformed and shit. I dunno why but I wacked off to it...damn"

Chris,

"I once jerked it to Mariska Hargitay....literally, not the actress herself, but just her name."

Mariska Hargitay

John, NY,

"my first time whacking it i did it to Kimberly from the power rangers. i was about 10 and thought i had peed myself, when i tol my mom she laughed and had me sit down to have 'the talk'"

Jay,

"I once whacked it to a picture of boobs...that i drew"

Anonymous, USA

"I whacked to the 1985 film "Legend" -- the one where Tom Cruise saves the unicorns. I whacked to the scene where Lili is seduced by the demon."

Anonymous,

"Today I whacked off to a Michael Jackson video that was being played during the MTV tribute of his death. Naomi Campbell was in the video lookin' sexy, but Michael's creepy face and body was shown like every other second, oh well. RIP MJ!"

Drew, Alabama,

"I once whacked off 11 times while watching rocky 3. I didn't find the movie erotic I just needed something to watch so I wouldn't get too bored while doing it, I was probably 11 or 12 and it's still my record for orgasms in a 24 hour period"

Anonymous,

"I used to whack it to Gadget from Rescue Rangers."

Anonymous,

"I used to wack off to the reflection of my own anus in the mirror."

Anonymous,

"I wacked off to chewy from star wars while my dogs watched"

Luke, Detroit,

"I once whacked it at Fedex field (home of the redskins), in the bathroom, to the thought of the cheerleaders on the sideline."

Anonymous, Chicago

"I used to yank it to the old classic Farrah poster... how could you NOT???"

Anonymous,

"i whack off to porn, like a normal person."

Anonymous,

"I discovered jerkin it when I was like, 12. The music video for 'Thank You' by Alanis Morissette was one of my first bits of whack-off material."

Anon, England,

"When I was about 5 I had a crush on Janice and Miss Piggy from The Muppets. I even asked my brother to draw them both naked! However, once in my teens I jerked one out furiously to the idea of the two of them lezzing it off. It was a pure nostalgia wank!"

Steve, Waterloo,

"I whacked to an old photo of my grandma in her teens, what can I say, she was a babe!"

Anonymous,

"I whack it to women's gymnastics every time it's on tv."

TunaFist,

"I whacked off to the laser hair removal commercials."

Gump, PA,

"I whacked weekly to Six from the sitcom Blossom, If she wasn't on the episode, I'd pretend Blosom was her."

Anonymous,

"I whacked to Mary Jane in a 90's Spider-Man comic."

Anonymous,

"I whacked to a picture of myself.""

Turbo, Calgary,

"I once whacked off to the liner notes of a Wilson Phillips CD. I used my free hand to cover the fat one."

Anonymous,

"I whacked it to an instructional video about hula dancing."

Anonymous,

"I've whacked it to a picture from wwf's Chyna's autobiography"

Anonymous,

"I once whacked to the two girls one cup video"

Karl, WI

"I stroked it to the illustrated instructions in my sister's box of tampons."

Anonymous,

"I uh...I once whacked off to some gorgeous lady on a plane. I was rather discreet."

Tyler, Jackson, MI

"I whacked to the golden girls. There was just something about 4 old ladies living together that turned me on"

Greg, Laurier,

"I sometimes whack it to that MILF in the Magic Bullet infomercial."

Anonymous, Canada

"I whacked to my Sims doing the deed, because the virtual me was getting more action than I was. Then he got her pregnant so I made him leave."

Harrywhacker,

"I jacked it to Harry potter.... but only to the red heads!"

Zen,

"I whacked to the Bikini Open contestants not once but at least twice every time it was on when i was a little kid."

WTF was I thinking?,

"When I was a kid I whacked off to the Bible once. I can't remember which book. It must have been the Old Testament."

Donald Tumbleweed, USA

"In 1991, I regularly jerked it to Suzanne Somer's ThighMaster infomercial. I was also trying to "Squeeze my way into fitness." By fitness I mean ejaculating all over Suzanne's unitard."

Anonymous,

"I whacked to the short haired chick from the enzyte commercial who was all too happy to sit on Santa's lap."

Anonymous,

"I whacked off to beyonce singing only when she hit a high note"

Tony, Bedroom,

"I whacked to a bundle of rope."

Dr. Awesome,

"I whacked to the part in "Secret Life of Bees" when the girl talks about her nipples. Nice..."

Anonymous,

"I used to whack to Laura Ingals on Little House on the Prairie while smoking Salem menthol cigarettes."

Anonymous,

"I whacked to Cortana from Halo 3."

Mcdonough, Ireland

"I whacked to betty boop on a pog, good times, classic wank."

Anonymous,

"I spent an entire summer with my grandparents the year I discovered wanking, and jacked off the whole time to an extremely scrambled playboy channel."