Legend holds that on July 26, 1991, at the exact time of Pee-Wee Herman’s arrest for whacking in a public theater, Chuck Norris was awarded the Key to the City of Laramie, Wyoming after wooing the townfolk with his one-man performance of “Lonestar Spoogin’: The Chuck Norris Story”.  Some say that the streets of Laramie remain sticky to this day, awaiting the advent of a cleaning solvent capable of overpowering Chuck’s goo.  This whack is fairly straightforward.  Given Mr. Norris’s masculine appeal and martial arts prowess, the most weak-wristed of us all might be forgiven for the occasional Norris whack.  I recall a patient from a couple years ago who reported insomnia with the occasional migraine headache. After medication failed to alleviate the patient’s symptoms, I told him to give in to his insomnia and stay awake watching late-night television programming (hoping that in removing the locus of control from the patient, his mental energies might subsume).  One week later said patient returned to my office radiating serenity and restfulness.  He explained that Walker, Texas Ranger had afforded him the opportunity to unleash the stress of the day (all over his newly-upholstered loveseat). While he was unfortunately now burdened with moderate-to-severe Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, his sleepless nights had ceased.

For any readers who might scoff at the mere suggestion of flogging the dolphin to Mr. Norris, I advise you to rent 1992’s Sidekicks and report back.  I’ll stake my medical reputation on the fact that you couldn’t resist firing the flesh musket.

Best,

Dr. Whack